If you weren't already itchy...

So, here in England we're having a bit of a flying ant frenzy. The damn things are virtually everywhere; on pavements, up trees, flying through the air and invading peoples digestive and respiratory systems (I'd like to take a guess that I've swallowed at least 1% of the population of flying ants today alone.) however, we English folk have little to worry about when it comes to critters of the creepy crawly kind; some other countries have it much, much worse. In places of warmer climate the bugs that live there seem to thrive. And by thrive I mean 'grow big enough to eat you whole, cleanse the palette with leprechaun blood and then eat grandma for desert'.
      With now further ado, let me introduce my list of;
Insects which could probably take on a human in a fight and win

1. The Giant Asian Hornet. 

   Now, you may have heard of these bad boys. If you have, then you're almost definitely never going to Asia.  If you haven't heard of them, then take a look at the picture below and be prepared to cry, poo yourself, vomit, and then spend the next three days whimpering under a duvet.

"Word. Just sharpening my teeth so's I can bite your hand off."

Not only is this wasp absolutely fucking humongous,but the acid in its sting is strong enough to corrode human skin and bone. On top of that, a chemical released in it's sting attracts and other Giant Asian Hornets in the area. So basically, you're screwed if one decides to sting you, as while you are tending to your flesh and bone eating wound, your attackers hornet pals will be donning matching leather jackets, and setting on their way to come and do you in. 

Have fun with that, wontcha? 

     2. The Brazilian Wandering Spider

At five inches across, the Brazilian Wandering Spider isn't something you'd want to find lurking in your shoe. Actually, it isn't something you'd want to find anywhere within a 500 mile radius, whilst wearing and insecticidal suit and residing in a 3 inch thick glass bubble. The spider has the most toxic sting of all spiders and kills the most humans than any other spider per annum. Add to this the fact that the BWS gives male human victims a painful, and extremely long lasting erection which can lead to impotence and you have yourself the spider of your nightmares. 

"You talkin' to me?!"

You are probably just imagining something crawling up your arm right now, so, you know, don't worry. 

     3. The Bullet Ant

If you happen to be wandering in the rainforest in, ohhh, lets say Paraguay, and you notice you have a large ant crawling up your arm, my advice would be to flick it off; GET IT THE HELL OFF YOU NOW! (or, flick it at someone you don't like, if watching somebody writhing around in agony is kind of your thing.) It is likely that the ant crawling up your arm is a Bullet ant. The clue is in the name, so it may come as no surprise to find that being stung by a bullet ant feels akin to being shot. It is said to be one of the most painful stings a human can endure, so suck on that, Giant Asian Hornets! 

Stick em up!